Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
