Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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