hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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