You're completely useless in the revolution.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
