A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
