i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
