Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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