mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
