I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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