those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
40s are totally the cure
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
