Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
