I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
