just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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