I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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