if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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