just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
FUCK WHALES
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