I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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