so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was like eating out sand paper
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
