wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
