What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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