I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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