He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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