final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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