I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
