mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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