I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
