My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos