Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.