I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best