wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up