Your mouth is God's brothel.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?