before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.