If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you