I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I spit up blood this morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.