I wanna passion pit in your ass
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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