If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
