Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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