party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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