It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need water and some morals
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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