brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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