I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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