this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
