she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
