There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
