you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
