I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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