Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
