hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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