i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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