I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
