do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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