I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
