I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
