dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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