time to smoke my breakfast
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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