So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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