Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
