Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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