I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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