at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
