i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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