Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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