my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They took my balls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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