You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
