i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He felt like a one man threesome
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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