My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
