Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
