he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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