There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
